This is the part where I say:
fuck those think pieces telling us how our 20s should be our selfish years, our self-discovery years. That Stability can wait.
Sure, the 20s post-grad life – it’s the perfect years to travel, to dream, to take risks, to not worry about not having it all figured it out, that money should be the least of our problems. It’s all about making mistakes and growing from them. I wish.
Most times it felt like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, because it actually is. And that if only circumstances were right, I would be my potentials, my expectations, perhaps living my uncharted dreams. That if I was given one less struggle, I know what I would choose to break free from.
Do not talk to me of risk and sacrifices when giving up on one thing mostly involves a family’s three meals a day, an education or future stability. So who’s to say we shouldn’t worry too much and that we’re young.
But, being such has led me to premature independence, and like everything else I am proud of today, it all started with being too unfortunate to be able to afford even the cheapest thrills of my life. And I guess I’m fearing that I will become too comfortable at being grateful for what I have and what I am now. It’s not so bad afterall.
But I am always this drifting soul, a passion parasite; I am aware of my potentials and ideals. But passion does not always pay the bills so they say. Not all passions though, but mine happens to be either in a dying art or a big risk with an unsure chance of a reward.
My relentless creativity, bigger city daydreams and life lived taking risks is caught up in an industrial mindset, that stability can’t wait.
But maybe this is my purpose for now. That being in the age bracket that teaches me to not be contented so easily, to not waste potential, to chase dreams with uncertainty — the world has pre-made me into this template rather than wander around aimlessly in search for a purpose.
I am not writing this for sympathy, but rather for empathy. While some of us had to put our dreams (or to dream) on hold, it is comforting to know that we may have made someone else’s. That while we wake up thinking of all the potential and the could’ve been’s thinking that we’re too behind, at least we get to sleep well knowing we have been responsible, and if you allow me, successful.
disclaimer: I may sound angsty and bitter, because maybe I actually am , seeing how people waste their potentials with lesser responsibilities.
I still don’t blame my parents (or God, for this matter) who were just victims to circumstances. They never stopped being the parents they are – and that they are still the best. They are not perfect, but they should never be treated any less. And that I am eternally grateful for my steady crazy non-industrialized job.
I’m still an unrisen dough in this.